Saturday, May. 03, 2003/9:37 pm

hazardous

I had lots to say but it's gone. Stolen by the unknown.

I just wanted to update to say that i'm still alive really.

I'm not even going to bother to figure out how things are, it's hard to decifer one moment from the next when i'm constantly facing this blank wall.

Went looking for ballgowns today for the prom. Found one, but had to order it in the smallest size they could get because the one i tried on was far too big. I need to be able to match the theory with the image i see of myself. The thing is i don't think i could ever decide that i was too thin. Other people can be too thin, they can be worthy of attention and help but not me. I won't be able to find a line where i realise it's all gone too far.

I nearly fell over on the esculator earlier, my footsteps are all over the place. Always on edge. My hearts playing games with me today, stabbing my with knives and skipping beats.

Wrap me up tight. The light is just too much.

I am fragile, breakable, knocks dent my cover. I need to be coated in bubblewrap and placed in a box with polystyrene pieces. Written with a sign 'Do not touch, hazardous.'

I'm full of gloom this evening.

As dark as coal.

Hands smudged with soot.