I've been put on Prozac. My doctor has gone on maternity leave but i had a phonecall from her cover on Monday, telling me that there was a prescription to pick up. Obviously they haven't been able to make a difference yet, but i've had no particularly bad side affects.

I've also got to have a blood test on the 30th July, as my last one showed signs of 'hypothyrodism'. It is common in type 1 diabetics, but usually happens later in life. I could have brought it on early after messing around with my insulin and eating so much. If the results are positive i'll be put on medication straight away.

I guess you can only punish yourself for so long, before the damage starts to show.

Purging is really draining me, i'm constantly weak, battling this pale face in the mirror. A stranger with cloudy pupils that can no longer speak, she's too tired, too low, too empty. I've gained about a pound back, trying not to stress about it, it can easily be lost again.

Feeling sick alot, stomach lurching at the thought of food, and yet i'm still binging. Today theres been four sessions, but i'm sure that will rise, the evenings are the hardest hours. Leaning down into that toilet, pouring my insides out, it's always the same. Thinking about food, supermarkets, the cashiers, the prices, how i can obtain even more food, and how to convinently dispose of it afterwards. Deep down this isn't what i want, but i can't get out, can't break through this sealed bubble.

I want someone to feel close to. Someone to absorb myself in, someone who will shoot through the black like a bolt of lightening.