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Then
* Now
26.07.05/1:16 am awful It's going all wrong. She hates me, we are arguing so much. She thinks i am stuck up, a snob. I am awful. I might be flying home on Saturday. I am not suprised, what did i expect? for her to like me? This monster who stands before me in the mirror. I do not want her to feel guilt, or even care how i am, i am not worthy of that. I still worry about her so much, but she seems to think i am sicker than her, and that i should be trying more here. I am trying, i am trying with all that i can. I suppose i idealised the image, i wouldn't purge, it would be all good, we would get on the same way we have online, but that is not true. She's angry that i want to leave. After telling her that i needed a few days to figure it all out and decide how i am feeling, but she does not understand that and thinks i am putting her on trial. I shouldn't say much more. A lot has has happened, hurtful comments flown back and forth. Apparently i am playing the victim. I don't want to make her out in a bad light at all here, up until the last few days she has been lovely and nothing but welcoming. I guess it is all me. If that makes me out as a victim in her eyes then so be it. I know that i am not, i deserve this, i truly believe that. I am sorry Gwen. I know you probably won't take that to heart but i really am. |
* I could almost cry like tears of blood * and slowly it evaporates * without a scar without a trace * Sometimes too blue the moment passes * overhead so undetected * without default with no perfection * I could close my eyes & sleep forever * locked inside a secret silence * whisper deep into my head * Rewind erase and nothing remains * the way that nothing ever does |