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Then
* Now
10.11.04/8:53 pm struggling I cannot cleanse these blood shot eyes, they have seen too much. More of this. It is never ending. This rock bottom is hollow. A dead route. Failure. Failure. Failure. There are students who are restricted in wheelchairs and handicapped, but they turn up to each lesson. They are able and willing. I am not sick, atleast not compared to them. My pain is not valid. I do not want to inflict myself on anyone. I can't remember the last time i actually felt comfortable around people. Comfortable with what i am saying or doing. I'm always regretting. Pulling wrongs from the ground, picking and digging for flaws, those of which others may have passed by without a glance. My benefit money went through today, and so to the supermarket i went. In a buying frenzy i put more and more items into my trolly. The amount was shameful, so shameful. When i got home all i could think about was what i had forgotten to get. I feel so depressed. I keep meaning to make a doctors apointment but haven't managed it yet. But that is true for many other tasks as well. I don't even have the word to describe it, it is further along the scale than just pathetic. My mind is so busy, i just want to shut down. My body has already given up. |
* I could almost cry like tears of blood * and slowly it evaporates * without a scar without a trace * Sometimes too blue the moment passes * overhead so undetected * without default with no perfection * I could close my eyes & sleep forever * locked inside a secret silence * whisper deep into my head * Rewind erase and nothing remains * the way that nothing ever does |