I wish i could just project my thoughts onto the screen without having to sit and try and type it all out. I feel numb. I want to be able to say something good but there is nothing.

College, coursework deadlines, exam revision, i am trying to cope but panicing and damaging myself every way i can. Eating, throwing up, losing weight fast, using laxatives when i haven't for years, and neglecting my sugar levels. I was managing to take a little more insulin for a while but it didn't last. I am literally running myself to the ground.

My teachers are worried about the work i am missing from absences. Days spent at home because i just can't make it out of bed or walk up the hill to the bus stop without feeling i might faint. Using the time i should use studying to sleep, binge and purge.

I am so tired. My face, looks tired. People keep glancing at me strangely. Mum keeps saying i'm 'all gaunt again'. I try not to look in the mirror but when i do i am horrified. I stare like it is a train wreck, myself, a broken girl.

I wish i could make people proud of me.
I wish i could succeed.
I wish i was perfect.