Monday, Feb. 03, 2003/9:17 pm

can't fight

It won't leave me alone.

I can't fight it.

It holds my down my the arms and muffles my cries.

I always manage to be brought back to where i started, never really getting anywhere.

Nothing ever works out.

I can't find answers when i don't know the questions.

All i can think of is why?

I want to be untainted, pure and new but i feel so dirty, i am convinced everyone thinks so too. I have been really conscious of people staring at me today, i know what they must be thinking.

Don't worry though, i'm okay.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

I need everything out of me, blood to run until it comes out clean.

I know this so well.