Saturday, Feb. 22, 2003/12:38 am

ugly

Numb.

Lifeless.

Hurt.

Torn.

Broken.

Empty.

Dead.

Words spin round in my head in incoherent circles.

A constant chill seeps through my skin.

I am finding it hard to string sentences together.

I am aware of nothing. I don't feel as if i'm touching this keyboard.

It's not my fingers moving across the keys.

Frozen, the ice isn't melting.

I went shopping today, skipped school. I was an illusion between the ques of people. I wondered if they could actually see me. My steps feel faint, light. I am not really moving around, talking, working, eating, my body may be but i am not. My mind is trapped in another place, a hellish place where lightening strikes across my back. I binged whilst i was out, on nothing that i actually wanted. I even bought a salad amongst the muffin, and Mc flurry. It was the first thing i saw as i walked into the shop, and i couldn't make desisions on anything. It was a pathetic and pointless waste of money and energy. I can't understand anything at the moment. I didn't even want to eat, i could have resisted but i kept thinking this is what i do.

My only purpose is to destroy myself.

I'm living in an hollow case, an ugly, fat figure with marked arms and legs.

All i wanted was to be beautiful, to them.