Monday, Feb. 24, 2003/12:15 am

//candy capsules//

I eat so much last night and today, the list is endless. I even told my Mum that i had friends over for the night. That we shared pizza, that they had cereal, toast in the morning and other items that have mysteriously disappeared. I left a video case on the side and made the living room look messy. It was the only explanation i could think of. I want to forget it all but i can't, i'm disgusting DISGUSTING. Each time food creeps into my mind i know what will happen, i know how i'll give in. I spread butter over toast telling myself just one slice, but instinctively i pile it on thickly, knowing how easy it will be to purge. Standing in the same spot, just leaning over. sometimes a little push on my stomach.

I only got four hours sleep last night, i'm shattered. Worked this morning, dragged myself out of bed at seven. I could barely stay awake, kept yawning, dropping things and putting everything in the wrong places. What has happened to me? what have i become? i really don't know.

Give.

Me.

A.

Way.

Out.

needle in my vein/icepop in my throat/sweet sugar capsules/purple/blue/red/black

Monsterous features, clawed, scratched, scarred.

A rare creature behind a latticed window. Gasps and sighs, pass my gaze.

Never understood.

I live within a snowdome, white hits me from all angles. I press my face up against the glass but no one can see me, i can see them but they don't see me. I just leave a misty mark, that fades within seconds. I sink into the cold, glazed with ice.

Giving up giving up giving up again &&& again.