Monday, Mar. 03, 2003/12:47 am

darkness

Fading like a light in the fog, just a blur now, a distorted patch of colour.

Sicker and sicker.

Blanking out and looking away.

I'm sorry i used your razor.

That i bled all over your sheets.

I'm sorry for being disgusting.

Clearing out the cupboards,

in a moment of insanity.

I'm sorry for not being custom made, ready to fit, perfect shape.

I'm sorry for having blacker eyes that you expected.

The ribbons in my hair are frayed and laddered.

I stand here, in a puddle of red.

Hoping that you'll accept me.

Now i've learned how to hurt myself just like i should do.

Maybe now,

my existance will be allowed.

Suffering for who i am.

Taking on your view on me.

Changed and rearranged in my head, exaggareted and misunderstood.

Until i am left with something completely different.

What started was a seed of self doubt.

That grew and grew, watered by unwothy feelings and mirror images.

It slanted itself into my mind, played like a slide show.

Reminding me i am not good.

That i will never be good enough.

For your presence,

or their company.

His or her voice.

I have found where i belong,

where i fit in just fine.

My knees torn from pressing on broken dreams,

broken promises,

broken ambition.

Amongst pain and darkness.

Just, please don't ask me to leave this behind.

I'd do anything for you.

(You) who sometimes has no name.

Except,

give up this.

I'm so sorry.