Tuesday, Mar. 04, 2003/5:53 pm

what was and what is

Objects drop from my hands. The ground moves beneath my feet. I lean slight against a wall which seems safe, warm and welcoming. A place to shelter from the strain of life. Though when i reach it, my palms violently burn as i press against the surface. Fumes peel away at sensitive skin. Enveloping and engulfing me in the scent of poison. What looked like my saviour now becomes my traitor, my interigator, stealing the light within my soul.

It takes over my body, my mind, my everything. I cannot move, i cannot breathe without it's support, it's strangling help. It binds but it soothes, the ties become limp and sink in apon the dents in my red wrists. I become numb to the pain, i don't feel it, only a constant, deep, tone that looms over my head. Thoughts rot and bones break, knuckes clicked too many times. Sand cascades through an eggtimer. Blood spilled on my floor, cracks in my mirror, screams surrounding me. Slipping towards death piece by piece.

I ponder back over the past and realise i have tricked myself once again. It is all my own work and i cannot erase it, not now. I have found what i was looking for, and it has crushed me to nothing, brought me down, cast me under it's powerful spell. Now i am weak.