Friday, Apr. 04, 2003/11:41 pm

dark glasses in sunlight

I managed to get the coursework in.

At the last possible moment.

I got only an hours sleep last night.

I couldn't work any of it out yesterday, i was struggling under hysteria, so i gave up then came back to it early this morning. I did eventually figure my way through the mounds of notes. I am so grateful that i had those, i will have to buy Gwen a little something to say thankyou for letting me borrow them. It doesn't matter that the finished product may just be a load of strung together words that make no sence. The important thing is that i made it out on the other side.

Now i just have my maths, business, art, and science if i can to complete. I found out that the science shouldnt be too bad as you can give in two pieces minimum and still get the required marks.

Looks like it might all turm out alright, but don't quote that to me if i start panicing and shouting when yet another final deadline approches.

I really did mess things up, i should have done all that work ages ago.

Tommorrow. breatheinbreatheout. I. breatheinbreatheout. Have to eat infront of my friends.

I can't describe how thinking about that makes me feel. I just want to hang my head in shame and hide like a scolded child in the corner who was caught doing something forbidden.

It's someones birthday, were going bowling and having whats described on the invitation as a 'picnic' Sitting on green grass, nibbling assorted triangle shaped sandwiches hey? I don't think so. I have to eat, otherwise i'll be seen as rude, i cannot just sit there and have nothing, it just draws too much attention to myself which i really don't want. My idea is to just have a little bit, and say i'm ill or something then purge in the public toilets easily. It's looming towards me...and i'm gulping within my throat as i think of people watching each bite. Watching me swallow down those ever poisoness chunks of food. I hope i can handle this, i'll just look away and try to pretend i'm not at all bothered.

*Strawberry jam and milk creamed kisses.

Flowers between her peach flavoured fingers.

Bundled up under precious skies.*

I think i may go and watch the Virgin Suicides.

It's. So. Beautiful.

Facinating, intriguing...beautiful.

I know it's quite cliched that i would love it but i cannot help it.

Shadows under fading eyes and bound wrists, dark glasses in sunlight.

Baggy clothes and untidy hair.

Therese.Mary.Lux.Bonnie.Cecilia.

Cecilias my favourite, so innocent, so young but full of tangles. Walking barefoot in her wedding dress.

'Everyone had a theory as to why."