Saturday, Jan. 03, 2004/3:39 pm

defeated

Theres a headache tending all the way down the side of my face, i'm freezing, HI, thirsty, shattered, pale, sick, knocked across a cold, concrete floor.

I've been asleep for the past two hours. Just woke up and drank nearly 2 litres of diet coke, shaking violently and close to slipping into collapse, i made myself take some insulin.

I was eating cereal last night and suddenly my jaw made a cracking sound, i had to purge afterwards and it was so painful. It still hurts but to be honest i don't really care.

I just can't be bothered.

My mum is out and when she gets back i know she'll notice i've had no lunch. I'm avoiding it because i know i will have to throw up afterwards. I don't even have the energy to fake a plate of crumbs, pour the soup away but coat a bowl with a tomato sheen for effect.

I need a bath, to wash my hair, to wipe the clues of depression away. I have another party to go to tonight. At 7, alot more pretending, maybe i'll just cancel.

I just feel defeated.