Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2004/10:53 pm

boring

I wish i had something interesting to say but i don't,

the words won't stream like water, from a fountain,

but rather a trickle down a quarry of rocks, one feeble bead of optimism.

I know what i want to put down

justcan'tgetitout

It's so frustrating.

But, i'm okay.

Still mourning each day, searching for something lost, yearning for something new.

eatingflushingsleeping

Worried about alot of people here, online.

Yet, haven't spoken to anyone on the outside since they all started back at college. I can't bring myself to trawl out the same lies, mirror the same suffocating pretence.

Left behind. My tutor phoned the other day to discuss what i should do from now on. She thinks that i've missed too much to consider going back this year, and suggested i should just start fresh in September.

Everything i do feels like such a waste.

I am a waste.

A waste of time, energy, space.

A pathetic heart beat that chunders through each minute, keeping me awake at night with an abrupt rise and fall.

Push me off the end of the plank,

i'm too scared to jump.