I was trying to write, write something, anything, but i just started to cry. All i can do is cry. I don't even know why, i just feel overwhelmed.

I have a headache. My blood sugars are soaring and i'm drinking everything in sight. Everyone has been wearing t-shirts and commenting on the heat today but i've been so cold. It hits me suddenly, a frozen clasp over my body, forcing me to scramble back under my duvet or add another layer of clothing.

Lost another pound or so, it's been jumping up and down a bit, but generally i'm sliding.

My GP still hasn't sorted out the medication, she wants to discuss it with various other people. She told me to ring again in 10 days if i still haven't heard back from here. I'm at a loss for what to do with myself, after already waiting two weeks. I need help, but i can't stand up and demand it. I've been silently stumbling along for too long now. i guess i'll just have to try and keep going.

This morning was awful. I missed an orthodontist appointment after failing to set my alarm properly, the taxi came and went while i was still sleeping. When i eventually woke up, i was hysterical for about half an hour. In frantic tears, pacing the house, angry at myself for being so stupid.

My bones ache, i am constantly dizzy and tired. Still, worrying about everyone else and finding it difficult to make any attempt at taking care of myself.

How do you explain to friends that your life is completely different from theirs? That you can't function in the way they do? That you shedule yourself around eating, throwing up, and buying food? Thatyou dread being asked anywhere because you don't know how to act anymore?

I'm such a wreck. A head full of thoughts that i don't want to listen to anymore. Thoughts that won't fade. Watching the world through glass and spinning around in my self destruction.