I cannot cleanse these blood shot eyes, they have seen too much.
Tears try to wipe away the past, drenching my soul in sadness to blot it all out, but it never works. I am just reminded of what is to come.

More of this. It is never ending. This rock bottom is hollow. A dead route.
I am struggling, at college, i am struggling simply to exist. To be here and keep the smile plastered on my face. I am pale and drawn, still losing weight. I am becoming weaker.

Failure. Failure. Failure. There are students who are restricted in wheelchairs and handicapped, but they turn up to each lesson. They are able and willing. I am not sick, atleast not compared to them. My pain is not valid.

I do not want to inflict myself on anyone. I can't remember the last time i actually felt comfortable around people. Comfortable with what i am saying or doing. I'm always regretting. Pulling wrongs from the ground, picking and digging for flaws, those of which others may have passed by without a glance.

My benefit money went through today, and so to the supermarket i went. In a buying frenzy i put more and more items into my trolly. The amount was shameful, so shameful. When i got home all i could think about was what i had forgotten to get.

I feel so depressed. I keep meaning to make a doctors apointment but haven't managed it yet. But that is true for many other tasks as well. I don't even have the word to describe it, it is further along the scale than just pathetic.

My mind is so busy, i just want to shut down. My body has already given up.