Thursday, Jun. 06, 2002/8:23

arguing

There is so much stuff going round in my head lately, stuff that i cannot make sence out of. Things that contradict one another, i'm so confused as usual. I don't have a clue which direction to take. Everyone expects me to try and get help and i hate being like this, but i want to be thin so badley, really thin. I cant change my fucked up face or personality but i can change my weight. I'm going to start "dieting" again on Monday, the 1st day back to school. I need that control again. I need to feel bones instead of all this fat, im disgusting.

My mums just gone off angry in the car cos we had an argument. Yeah, i know a bit dramatic isnt it? We are arguing constantly, all i did was ask her if i could borrow ten pounds. She went off on one as usual about how she has no money and me and my brother "bleed (her) dry" She wonders why i dont talk to her when all she does is shout at me. She really has no idea who i am, just like everyone else. I really feel i hate her right now. She also said the classic line she always argues "why dont u go and live with your father then?" well, the answer to that is that, he dosnt want me either. I'm a burden to everybody.