Wednesday, Sept. 18, 2002/7:51 pm

living on chewing gum

I havn't eaten since that binge Sunday night, been going out to avoid meals or eating in my room then hiding it and chucking it away later. I even gained the courage to buy some laxatives yesterday, it wasn't as bad as i thought, i just got them paid and left. My concentration has got worse, i can't focus on any work at all. I had to stay behind at school today about the history coursework i havn't done but i can't remember a single thing the teacher told me about. I kept drifting in and out of hearing her words and thinking of calories and how i can lose more weight without anyone noticing. My fixation with food at the moment is pretty bad. It feels so much better when my jeans hang down on my hips loosley, i feel asthough i'm actually getting somewhere this time. I hope i'm not jinxing myself by saying that though. My mum keeps saying i'm too skinny and a "bag of bones", It's really pissing me off because i don't even think i'm underweight or anything. I have so much furthur to go to be thin.