Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002/1:53 pm

back

Sorry i havn't updated, i havn't been able to get to a computer.

ermmm well what can i say?

I just feel so weak.

I havn't been to school since last Friday when i left early anyway, i'm so tired, spend the days laying in bed or eating. I've never binged this much in my life before, i don't even bother to figure out how frequently i'm returning to the toilet to empty my sins. This record has been overplayed for too long, i need a change. The problem is eating so hmmm i guess i'll just try not to eat. At all. I need to get through atleast a day without any food. I'm 92 pounds at the moment, been this weight for a while, i want to get to 90 in the next few days though. I'm fat.

So behind with coursework etc as usual, i've got my mock gcse's next week too. I havn't revised at all. I'm going to fail, i know i will. I hate how i just don't care.

I don't know how i'm doing this but i havn't let go. Sometimes the only thing keeping me from flying is the thought of my friends and family. No matter how they treat me i never want them to feel bad. I feel selfish when i think of suicide, i can't do it to them. So I crawl up and block it out as usual, dragging myself through. Let it kill me slowley.