Wednesday, Feb. 05, 2003/12:45 pm

wrong direction

I few days ago my friend rang me up to tell me the history coursework deadline was Thursday.

I told myself i would definatly go to school today so i could get some imformation about the work i have done nothing for.

I didn't go.

I fell back aleep after my alarm went off this morning then woke up with low blood sugars.

I could have gone, just been a bit late, but of corse i didn't

I have no first drafts

No notes

I'm not even sure what i need to write about, or if there a three pieces of coursework or two.

I'll have to try to do the best i can tonight, ring someone maybe, but i don't even know if i can be bothered to do that.

I will fail anyway.

I can't believe i've actually let this happen, i'm fucking awful, why can't i just go to school like other people. Why am i so scared of it?

I just want someone to really scream at me and tell me how stupid and pathetic this is.

I used to be really good at history, one of the top students in our class. Always getting A's or B's for work.

Now i'm at the bottom with D's and E's.

Things have changed so much and i never did anything to stop it.

I feel like an empty cartridge, in a pen, it doesn't contain anything, not one splash of ink, so it therfor cannnot work.

I am so lifeless.

I don't even think i care anymore.

I'm too late to save myself.

To late to undo any of this.

To little time, to much to do.

I can't look back now.

Going full speed in the wrong direction.