Friday, Mar. 07, 2003/2:40 pm

an apology amongst ramblings

I slept in till 2 today and i'm still tired.

No school, again.

I haven't eaten yet, theres no decent food here. I'm waiting until my Mum arrives home with the shopping after work.

The cat just jumped up on the windowsill outside, except we are upstairs so i don't know how the hell she got there, Must have climbed up the trellis. Wait, whilst i get her in, she's soaking wet from the rain.

Trust me to go off the point.

My stomach feels light, like an empty attic with a widened window. I'd love it to stay like that forever. It's impossible though, i need food to give me peace of mind, to remind me what i am.

In a way it jusitfys me being alive a little more because atleast i'm hurting myself in the process.

I need pain.

To offer consilation to myself.

For being who i am.

For doing what i do.

For talking,

breathing,

standing here.

Infront of you.

The little black typing that runs across these pages lead you someway into my story.

I am sorry if i am boring,

and annoying,

and really repetitve.

If you wonder why i'm moaning so much.

I apoligise to my readers.

I feel so selfsh for letting in the same air as other people.

I finished reading the Virgin Suicides last night, it's stunning, beautifully written.

I wish i could write like that.

I keep moving from one thing to another i know.

I'm going to lie down.