Friday, May. 16, 2003/10:50 pm

knocked sideways

I feel so breakable.

My whole body aches.

Stiff legs,

burning throat,

my insides scratched out.

I woke up early this morning, chest thumping, room swaying. Reached for my insulin pen, stuck it in my leg and pressed the plunger. Hoping things would improve once my sugar levels subsided.

Nothing got dramatically better.

Ever since then i've been such a sick mess.

I sat by the radiator crying for an hour, because i couldn't stand the strain thats taken over my body.

The weakness thats buried itself beneath my skin.

I seriously thought i was going to be in for another hospital visit.

I'm 83 again. Means nothing new the second time around.

I haven't been able to stomach much food today, i'm twisted in creases and knots. b/pd twice but on both occasions it was only a little amount. Blood poured angrily down the toilet bowl, dripping from sore lips.

I've slept alot. Standing up, moving about has taken up so much effort. I'm so unsteady, having to grip onto hand railings on the way up the stairs so to not fall.

Headache, thumping into my skull.

Blank vision. Trying to distinguish a view through the blur.

Unsure of where i'm walking.

Moving pavestones.

Multicoloured trees and distorted faces.

I've been knocked completely sideways.