Sunday, Apr. 11, 2004/1:18 pm

quick

I've just eaten and purged a whole white chocolate egg and two bags of white chocolate maltesers. What am i supposed to say when Mum asks where it all went?

The cinema was okay..oh, i don't know. I felt very disconnected from everyone, so far away, like talking to strangers, they do not know me, not the real me. I blow dried my hair straight, wore my earings, mascara and my new boots. I felt very insecure, moving out of normal grounds, but i survived it, nothing bad happened, and i am glad i went.

I just wish i wasn't always so scared, scared of myself.

A Roast lunch is being cooked downstairs and my Nan is here. Lamb, mint sauce, potatoes, green beans, brocolli, yorkshire pudding, gravy, the whole works. I'm panicing about having to eat up at the table, imagining horrific staring faces as i mix and dice everything. I've got to try and restrain from it. This is going to be hard. I'm going to have to try and get away afterwards without being too suspicious, sneak away silently to the bathroom, somehow. My blood sugars are high anyway so i'll keep that reasurance in the back of my mind.

I better go, sorry this was very quick. I hope your all having a great easter.