Wednesday, Apr. 10, 2002/5.52

Insulin

Oh god today's been crap.

I'm diabetic.

I'm supposed to inject myself with insulin twice a day.

I'm supposed to eat properly.

I don't.

When i take insulin and i bareley eat i get a low sugar level and to get it normal again by eating sugar! so the simple solution was to not take the insulin, so that's what i do.

Sometimes i take the evening injection but only a little bit. Before xmas when i got obsessed with dieting i never took it at all. Not taking it helps me get thinner.

Yesterday, i was talking to my freind katie. She's been my friend for a few years and we are really close. She knew that i'd been to the doctors but she didn't really know why so i told her. I trusted her. i don't know why, i never really trust anyone.

she told people! She told people the insulin thing but not about the cutting or bulimia thank god. She said she was really worried and stuff but she swore she wouldn't tell anyone. I kept telling her i was fine but she wouldn't believe it. Also, her and Cassie had a conversation about it in Science because our teacher said something about diabetics going into comas when they get their blood sugar concentration wrong. He would have to bring that up wouldnt he? bloody typical...I wouldn't have minded them talking about it, if there wasnt loads of people between them listening in too!

Now everyone knows. I just keep lying whenever anyone asks if it's true. I dunno whether to be pissed off with katie or not. I care about my friends so much but they never listen to what i want. When they worry about me i feel like a burden. I'm not worth it. Theres more impotant people to care about.