Thursday, May. 02, 2002/8:09

ANGRY

I skived off school again today. I stayed home and i eat. I eat a bagel, crisps, toast, quiche... Not exactally bingeing just boredom. My brother was home and on the computer which is right next to the bathroom so i couldn't purge easily. I had to wait until after tea. Then i went in the bath and ran the water while i purged so no one could hear. I tried to get out as much as possible, but i couldn't reach stomach acid. I was shaking really badley afterwards.

I am so angry at myself. For the past week or so i've been eating hardly anything and losing weight. I suppose i still got rid of it but i left it so late. It was making me feel so disgusting, the food sitting there in my stomach all day, so fucking uncomfortable. An empty stomach feels so much better than a full one, even though i keep gettin these really horrible pains there.

I cut yesterday. i had been trying really hard not because it's nearly summer and wearing long sleeves is really annoying. But i cracked. Every time i look at the marks it reminds me of what an awful person i am. I need to cut now. I can't deal with this anymore. I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OF WITH MYSELF. I deserve the blood pouring out of me. i deserve all the pain.

I'm totally worthless.