Friday, Jun. 28, 2002/9:53 pm

food, shopping and plastic bags

Today i've purged 4 times, i even resorted to vomitting into a plastic bag because there was no other way. It was gross. Theres still food inside me though. It wont move, my stomachs filled up with air that keeps rising up in my throat instead. I've been a wreck all day, i just feel so full and uncomfortable.

I've decided i near an initial, first goal to reach. Ok, so i have to reach 7 stone 7, by the 21st of july. 21 and 7 are lucky numbers. Now i have a purpose. I hate bloody food, its a fucking backstabber. I CANT be inticed my its pretty icing sugar or suculent aromas. It's just waiting for me to take a bite so it can inject me with its malicious poison.

Frances is dragging me round the shops with her tommorrow. I agreed to because i always do everyhting she says, i find it hard to just say "no" Im dreading it, anxietys drowned me. All those people, seeing me all fat and discusting. Trying on clothes??? NO WAY! i'll just let her, i've got no money anyway. Frances has a fantastic figure, saying that she does weigh more than me but its in all the right places. I'd die to look like her. Though i'd die even more to be stick thin.