Saturday, Sept. 14, 2002/7:08 pm

undereating

I'm bareley eating at the moment. I last binged and purged early Wednesday morning, and i've been fasting since then. Today i had to have a slice of toast though because i felt so weak and ill. I threw up lots of pure yellow stomach acid this morning, without even trying, it was horrible. I feel so washed out, but the last thing i want to do is eat. I've lied and told my mum i've had dinner already today and i should be able to get away with fasting tommorrow. Hopefully i'll weight less by Monday!

Even when i fast i have to purge liquid just so i have done it for that day, It's so stupid but it's like this obsessive need, i have to hold onto. On Thursday i somehow completley forgot about it until the next day. It felt really odd, it's the first day i havn't purged on in so long. I didn't like it though, i have completeley interupted my routine. This is so trivial but it seems important to me in some twisted way.

Food is my drug. others use narcotics, cannabis, nicotine... I use sugar and fat and restriction. It punishes me, distracts me, comforts me and ruins me.