Sunday, Sept. 15, 2002/7:53 pm

To binge or not to binge?

No ones home, they shouldn't be back for hours, the cupboards are stacked and i have the desire to devour everything. My fast is fucked up for today anyway. I can't be bothered to explain but it was because of my blood sugars yet again. I've had to have lucozade and a slice of toast so far.

I don't even know why i want to eat, i think it's just because i'm bored and this opertunity is just waiting for me.

My aim latley is to get thin, expelling food completley has been charging me, emptyness is bliss. I don't really understand why im even thinking about food. I suppose the prospect of binging seems better than being alone with my stupid thoughts. Theres a battle going on inside my head. Why not just get it over with? If i purge everything afterwards sureley it can't be too bad? It won't hurt, you can find away to fast tommorrow - but this shows how feeble i am, how pathetic, you FAT bitch, the last thing you should do is eat, you deserve to rot in starvation!

I think my binge fueled side is winning, I can't handle this anymore. I may as well just get it over and done with.

FAT FAT FAT