Saturday, Sept. 21, 2002/10:00 pm

my severed arms

My arms are such a mess. A mass of purple lines. I'm really worried because tomorrow i might have to wear a short sleeved top at work. I started there last week, at a hospital, my job's a "kitchen assistant". They ordered me some t-shirts, with the hospital logo on it. i don't know what i am going to do. It's not as if i could say they were cat scratches, they're much worse that anything like that. No one ever sees them.

Theres significant scars, ones where i went really deep. Then there's a load of smaller marks scattered everywhere, crossing each other. The veins on my wrists are dark, from the amount of times I've slit into them.

There's a slight chance the t-shirts they ordered won't be ready yet or something but it's unlikely. I'll probably have to change into one when i get there. If someone asks about it i don't know what I'll say, I'm so terrified of this i feel like just not going, but i have to. I'll have to put foundation on my arms and see if that works, and just try to keep them out of anyone's view.

Oh god, i really am buggered, there's no way out, and it's all my fault.