Saturday, Nov. 02, 2002/5:14 pm

hate

I hate it here.

I hate the way you look at me.

The joke.

The mistake.

The one that went wrong.

Insane bulimic daughter,

that tarnishes the family.

You should have taken me back for a refund.

-

I hate the way you just blurt out my everything,

as if it's nothing.

While im standing right infront of you,

waiting for the hurt look in my eyes,

before i walk away,

slamming my bedroom door behind me.

-

My little room,

at the back of the house.

That i had to swap for, with my brother,

because he wanted mine.

The walls are decorated how he left them,

the curtains.

Mismatched furniture.

His new room is freshly painted, just how he wants it.

This blank space,

isn't even mine anyway.

It's everyone elses,

to look through as you please.

No privacy.

You wont let me keep anything safe from you.

-

I hate the way you leave,

even though you know what i'm planning.

I hate it that you blame me for everything,

and i continue to say sorry.

Over and over.

You real it in,

making me feel guilty.

for ever being born,

I hate your recklessness,

I hate the threats.

"i'll call your father"

would he really care?

behind the shouting and swearing.

You know i'm scared of him,

but i'd take every hit,

if i had to.

-

I hate how you avoid it.

Cover the facts over with humour and anger.

Sometimes acting so dumb.

Trying not facing whats right infront of you,

and when you do,

you just get someone else to deal with it.

Me.

It.

Me.

It.

Don't try talking,

it will never work,

like you want it to.

I'm sorry im not perfect.

Not like her.

Or her.

-

I love you,

but i hate you,

all the same.

For the things you do.