Tuesday, Dec. 03, 2002/4:07 pm

worse

I'm falling deeper.

Theres no one here to catch me.

Selfish bitch

Everything is so blurred,

cloudy,

far away.

I'm getting little sleep.

I am at my lowest weight yet, it's not enough though, i don't think it will ever be enough, theres just too much of me. I'm obsessively weighing myself, i hope i can lose more.

My Mum knew i'd been purging yesterday, caught me. I tried to speak to her but she wouldn't listen. She slapped me, twice, round the face, hard. My cheek burned. She said i was a disgust and that i'd have to be "put away." Tears soothed the red mark she left on me, it's not the first time she's hit me though.

I want to run, run so far, run until my legs give way and i can't run anymore. Still i'm paralized by this fear, rooting me to the spot. All i can do is scream and shout inside, cut into myself over and over.

Only a few steps from freedom.