It's going all wrong. She hates me, we are arguing so much. She thinks i am stuck up, a snob. I am awful.

I might be flying home on Saturday.

I am not suprised, what did i expect? for her to like me? This monster who stands before me in the mirror. I do not want her to feel guilt, or even care how i am, i am not worthy of that.

I still worry about her so much, but she seems to think i am sicker than her, and that i should be trying more here.

I am trying, i am trying with all that i can. I suppose i idealised the image, i wouldn't purge, it would be all good, we would get on the same way we have online, but that is not true.

She's angry that i want to leave. After telling her that i needed a few days to figure it all out and decide how i am feeling, but she does not understand that and thinks i am putting her on trial.

I shouldn't say much more. A lot has has happened, hurtful comments flown back and forth. Apparently i am playing the victim. I don't want to make her out in a bad light at all here, up until the last few days she has been lovely and nothing but welcoming.

I guess it is all me. If that makes me out as a victim in her eyes then so be it. I know that i am not, i deserve this, i truly believe that.

I am sorry Gwen. I know you probably won't take that to heart but i really am.