I feel so drained, like every little ounce of life had been pulled from me. I cannot see properly and it is too hot. Washing my hair within the last hour has been an achievement. This dilemma is unsolvable. I can take my insulin, and eat, but i must purge. Or i can try to keep something down, but secretly restrict my insulin.

Last night, i was getting yet another drink and Mum was reading downstairs, she had been flicking through the memory on my meter.
"I need to have a word with you"
"i know you said you were running high but all of these results are very high"
I just muttered something about only ever testing my blood when it is high so the good results wouldn't be on there.
This morning she was on to her usual line of denial "You must not be doing your insulin right", "It must be your injection sites, you need to let me do it in your arm".

Tommorrow i will recieve my AS level results from college. To be honest i think i'm already too sick to stress over it, it's just another addition to the confusion. I already know that i will never be good enough. no matter what grades i get. I will never be perfect and that is what i am always striving to be. An impossible ideal, an ideal caught forever in a snow globe.

I don't know what to do with myself. Could sleep some more, but that is all i've been doing today. Could eat, but that puts me back in the middle of madness once more. Maybe i will read, i'm feeling so sick that i don't even want food. It's not often i can say that. But then again, it's not often it would stop me either.