I won't be around for the next 5 days or so. I am going on holiday with my Dad and Matthew, nowhere far, just the English coast.

It's going to be pretty stressful though. Primarily around food. He thinks i am better, that i should be able to eat as i choose, fast food, restaurant meals...i am terrified. I'm having to take soda cans in my bagin an attempt to hide high sugars. If i am drinking too much infront of him he might suspect.

Last time we went away he expected me to hoover and do the washing up because i was the only girl. I hope it isn't the same this time around.

If he catches me purging, smells sick on me, guesses i am still dabbling with disorder at all, i will be in so much trouble. It will be the end of life as i know it, it just isn't worth the risk. I must be the good daughter. I can't be stupid or clumsy, i can't stumble over my words or say something i shouldn't. Usually i irritate him so easily. This is so stressful.

I need to pack and catch up on my sleep. I don't know how i'm going to disguise this exhaustion.

Take care everyone x